The World Is A Vampire
by Evil Comma
Summary: Edward is a lonely being going through the pains of being a teenager, never quite fitting in, never quite enjoying himself. Then he meets Bella, the first person he's ever befriended, the only person he can never tell his secret to.
1. Prologue

**I did not create Twilight. **

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My name is Edward Cullen, and for as long as I can remember, I have been a vampire. A creature of the night; the spawn of evil. I have walked this earth forever, frozen in time, in the image of a teenager doomed to suffer high school again and again. To my immediate knowledge, my family and I are the only vampires here in North-East United States.

I live alone and desperate for something more. When you are the living dead, there is no more. There is only _this_. Constant self-loathing and unstoppable desire to just...disappear. I write this because I've been told to. By my therapist. _Dr. Roberts_. I think he knows I'm different than all the others. This though, will give me an opportunity to leave my words as a sort of medium to understand why I feel the way I do...but who would care anyways? This 'diary' _is _for my eyes **only**.

I feel the reach of everything so close to my atmosphere...but always an eternity away. I think my kind never dies. When the myths and stories talk about eternal youth, eternal life...eternal takes on a literal meaning. I can barely stand myself for five minutes...and it has been a struggle, a task too overbearing, to have done so for the last century. Sometimes I wish I could just burn out. I'd unfortunately miss the chance to see my ashes blow away to nothingness, a sight that has riddled my dreams for decades.

I wish I had something to make this easier, more bearable. My brothers have partners that keep them satisfied in whatever way they need to be. I do not. I have never felt love or compassion for any other being, other than my family members. If you could call it a family. More like the ultimate freak show. I wish I could trust someone. I wish I could have someone that I could tell anything and everything to. I wish I could be like everybody else. I wish I was connected to society in the smallest manner and hopefully it being a small degree of normalcy which could start at mortality.

I do not enjoy my time spent in this world. I never sleep, so I have the 'pleasure' of knowing what it is to live EVERY moment of the day. I especially detest my time spent at school. I am above all it, but I still have to be there. Seventeen year old males do not work. They do not do much. They act like idiots and obsess over girls. Two things I am incapable of doing: being an idiot (because in a hundred years I've had a lot of time to study and read and learn and figure out more than the normal seventeen year old should) and becoming _infatuated_ with anyone (because mere mortals can't seem to catch my interest).

I spend at least a few moments every day contemplate suicide...I doubt that vampires can die...I have never heard of it happening. It must be a relief, to just let it all go...maybe it's a punishment for being what I am...a monster...a spawn of evil.

I am confused...I don't know how to feel...today I felt _meaningful_...I felt different...I met _someone_...her name is Isabella, though she prefers Bella...she is the only mortal I have ever felt desire for...but not only for her body, but for a _taste_...the smell of her blood climbed under my nose and I forgot to breathe...it is the same feeling a drug addict would get at the sight of cocaine...I want nothing more than to feast on her flesh and laugh as I do...

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	2. Chapter 1: Routine

**Unlike Stephenie Meyer, I do not dream**

**of vampires in meadows seducing me**

**and wanting to eat me  
**

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There is not much to say about the town of Forks, Washington - besides that there is always a drop of rain sliding off the edge of every leaf in the heavily wooded scenery. You could say it's gloomy, gray, depressing, etc. It always rains and when it doesn't, the gray clouds always seem to make you think it's about to. It is completely logical as to why the creatures or _people_ who do not seem to enjoy the sunlight would choose to live here.

Routine is not essential to life. Routine is mostly dismissed by others as proof that your life is boring. If you do the same things every day, in the same order, then your life is boring. Your life is routine.

Edward's life was routine. He got up every morning at the same time. He got ready at the same rhythm every day. Today, seeing as it was a Tuesday, he put on his 'Tuesday Jeans'. The same jeans he had worn last Tuesday, and the Tuesday before that but not the one before that because that Tuesday there had been no school. He would probably wear the same jeans the Tuesday of the coming week.

...That fact that this was the most important part of his life was pretty sad.

There was nothing out of the ordinary in his routine. Until he got in his brother's – Jasper - car. Before he got to the back door where he usually sat - to make way for Jasper's girlfriend Alice - , Jasper nudged him to sit in the front. Alice was sick. It wasn't life changing, but for the first time since his brother was rewarded the car for his birthday, he sat in the front. He much preferred the back because the awkwardness of the silence was not so obvious. His incompetence at socializing made Edward just as isolated from his brother than from the rest of the world. For anyone else, those fifteen minutes of pure silence would have made anyone uncomfortable, but it was familiar to Edward. He was used to being ignored and dismissed.

The moment the car was completely parked, he opened the car and walked to class without even saying a "thank you" or a "have a nice day" to his brother. He walked unusually fast. His legs moving faster than any one person's could. He walked as if he had a purpose, but he knew to him there wasn't one. He sped down the hallways in a graceful manner but no one paid him any attention. He knew what the other students thought of him. He heard it all around him but they didn't even have to say a word. He knew what they were thinking. "Freak" they'd call him or "weirdo", "loner". It didn't bother him because he knew they were right. He was a freak.

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	3. Chapter 2: Enter Bella

**I took the preexisting Twilight characters**

**and changed them to fit this story.**

**I don't own them, I'm just borrowing them.  
**

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Images of hurried teens always blurred around Edward as he made his way to class. It was almost timeless. Those moments only lasted thirty seconds or so, but to him they felt like hours. He sometimes forgot where he was. His thoughts always wandered off to faraway lands of nonexistent happiness. One moment he'd be taking his books out of his locker, then he'd be seated at his desk for his first period class. Time did not affect him like it did others. He never noticed the moving hands on the clock because they did not turn the same way for him as they did to everyone else. Time went by swiftly when you had nothing but it.

He never paid much attention to his surroundings. He didn't have friends and he didn't need any. It could never work out, seeing as how he was so different. His mind always wondered why he was the way he was, and why him, and how long would he have to suffer and why couldn't he just end it? He _should_ end it. An eternity in his state must be comparable to an eternity in hell.

Like most days, he erased all thoughts in his mind and did his work, without flinching, in an almost possessed manner. He could see nothing but his paper and hear nothing but the lesson. He blocked everything else out. He could not name half his classmates or even tell you what color hair the boy beside him had. It came as a surprise to him when the appearance of an unknown figure at the doorway of his first period class disturbed him from his usual trance. He looked up from his work to find a new student looking bewildered as she approached the science teacher and mumbled something about how it was her first day in the school and she had no idea where she was going. The teacher was quick to forgive her and was quicker to introduce her to the class as Isabella, at which point she interrupted him and said that she preferred Bella.

Her various mumblings were inaudible to Edward. Any noise occurring during those first few minutes of her presence where inaudible to Edward. Everything stopped functioning. He forgot to breathe or think. His jaw was hanging open and his eyes were wide with surprise. That swiftly shifted to an expression of distorted pain. He had never felt this way before. He _wanted _her. He wanted to smell her hair and caress her cheek. He wanted to hold her hands and feel her warmth. But most importantly, he wanted to feast on her blood. Her scent carried itself across the small, cubed room and crept under his nostrils, causing him to go wild with hunger. He had to stop himself from lunging across the room at her and biting her neck in front of the whole classroom. He had never felt this way before.

The teacher asked her to sit two rows away from him. As she awkwardly made her way across the rows of seats, Edward's fists wrapped themselves firmly on the sides of his desk, almost tearing through the wood. He wanted to scream at the top of his lungs; he wanted to jump out the window; he wanted this uncontrollable desire in him to end. But before he could do anything rash or anything that could jeopardize his family, he calmed down. He breathed deeply and he got his thoughts straight. Sorting it out he figured that one, he was romantically interested in Bella, but two, he wanted to kill her. Feast on her. Whichever.

He looked over at her, hoping to get his first real glance at her. She had long brown hair, was significantly skinny—someone you'd think was starving themselves. She had very hollow cheeks and thin eyebrows that arched over her tired, sunken eyes. She was incredibly pale and her wrists looked fragile. She looked like the living dead. That explained his attraction.

He felt like a schoolboy with a crush and a malnourished child eying a piece of bread just out of reach, both at the same time. He didn't know which one he wanted more. He did know that he couldn't bring himself to kill her. The logical solution being moving away and forgetting her or attempting social interaction with her that might result in them being a couple. He was very much terrified of the second one. He wasn't afraid of girls. He was afraid of humans. He was afraid of co-existing with others. He was afraid of not being alone.

He spent the rest of the period staring blankly at the back of her head, thinking of ways to interact with her, let her know he noticed, hoping maybe she noticed too. He wasn't one to care for anything but right there and then he cared and it threw him off balance; it made him feel vulnerable. He shielded himself away from the world, hid in a shell, a small dark corner where he played with his demons. For the first time in a long time, he wanted to come out of his shell.

Edward didn't notice the bell ringing until a student making his way to the door bumped into his desk and woke him from his thought controlled slumber. He looked around quickly hoping to catch a glimpse of her. To his surprise his eyes met head on with hers. They both looked at each other, no expression on their faces. You could think that maybe they wanted to blurt something out, or maybe that through a telepathic link they were sharing a thousand words. Bella smiled, a dismissive kind of smile, and looked away, only to walk out of the classroom with swift feet. Edward didn't even think once before chasing after her.

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	4. Chapter 3: Contact

**This world isn't mine**

**Only the situation and**

**anything you don't recognize  
**

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Thoughts always vibrate through the walls of the mind. Whether they be petty concerns, ideas or plans, thoughts bounce through the brain at every given moment. Edward's mind has been riddled with millions of thoughts in his lifetime, usually more than one crowding it. Today, his busy mind was preoccupied with a single thought. Her face appeared at every corner inside his head. Everywhere he looked, she seemed to be just waiting for his gaze to meet hers, just a few steps away but as he got closer, she was not.

Edward ran through the hallway, pushing dozens of bodies out of the way, scanning every inch of space inside the school, taking a good glance at every passing female, desperately tying to find Bella. The most frustrating thing about his frantic search was the fact that he had no idea what he would do when he found her. In all his time spent in Forks, he had never shared more words than he had to with any other being. He couldn't recall the last time he'd even uttered a word. It is reasonable to say that even if he found this one girl among a thousand students, Edward was not prepared to engage with her in conversation. In his hormone raged madness, Edward had no time to consider his actions.

To his dismay, she was nowhere to be found. With a look of disappointment, Edward slowed down his steps and dragged himself to his next class. Like every other gym period, the girls were in their own gymnasium, and like every other gym period, Edward sat on the bench, watching dully at his fellow classmate's attempts to prove their athletic superiority to each other. Even though the images of them exercising their egos flashed before his eyes, Edward was only able to see Isabella. Or Bella as she preferred to be called.

The next period happened to be English. The class was set up in a very special way so that every student would get to sit next to another. Before today, the class had an uneven amount of students and Edward was happy to be the odd one out, the only one without a partner. He remembered this during gym and couldn't help hoping that Bella, being the student to even out the class, would have no other choice but to sit next to him. As the sweat ran through the boys' foreheads and their breathless grunts echoed through the room, Edward concentrated on everything he knew about interacting, everything he knew from experience, everything he'd observed others do in the past, everything he'd watched on the television and in movies, and everything he'd ever read. It didn't take him long to realize that he had almost no socializing experience, throughout the years he had never taken interest in others, he didn't watch much television or movies and he never retained anything he read in books. When the bell rang for period's end, Edward felt terrified, delighted and thirsty all at once.

He tried his best to construct and map out possible topics of conversation but he found it difficult because he had no idea what to say to Bella that might be interesting or appropriate. He'd never felt so many things at once and couldn't currently tell if it was a good thing or if it was a bad thing. His facial expression twisted anxiously while he took his seat and looked at the open door, waiting for her to arrive, waiting for her imminent presence to change his life.

Bella walked into the room, one hand nervously brushing her hair behind her ear, the other holding the few notebooks she had decided to bring into class. She kept her eyes trained at the floor, not daring to glance at anyone other than the teacher. Her long legs took small strides towards the teacher's wooden desk, then she attempted to explain her arrival in as few possible words. The teacher nodded in approval to her story then proceeded to instruct her to walk to the back of the class after receiving a copy of the textbook.

Since her arrival, Edward was not the only male to be smitten. Edward, who is usually trapped in a zombie state of mind, was unable to notice that most of his classmates had spent most of the day having conversations about Bella. It was not until now, when she took her shy steps towards the end of the class, closer and closer to Edward, that he finally heard what the others were saying. The vile thoughts that had claimed the others sub consciences. He could not help but tense up at the fact that most of the students only saw her as a toy, a game, a conquest. He was sickened at how all the girls thought of her as a pest, a threat that needed to be isolated. But as she sat down next to him and gave him a small, weak smile, he couldn't help but feel his now uncontrollable and unquenchable thirst. As much as he wanted to see her as a friend, a romantic interest, a possible place of comfort, he could only see her as a meal.

Edward sucked in his breath and averted his eyes. The color flushed from his face and he turned to the plain white wall to his right, doing his best not to look at Bella. His whole body froze in this unfriendly pose and every small morsel of hope he had built up in his mind until now was shattered to pieces now that his animal instincts took over. His hands dug into the side of his desk, crushing the wood, the splinters trying to force themselves into his pale skin. He attempted to take a quick glance at her only to find her looking confused and most likely hurt by his inexplicable actions.

The class went on the same way during the whole period. Bella stared only at the professor and her books, saving herself the trouble of feeling insulted by Edward's defensive pose. Edward didn't look anywhere else but the wall, attempting to save himself the trouble of feeling tempted by Bella's scent. She stole the odd glances at this mysterious boy who treated her so strangely, so rudely. He couldn't help but risk looking at her once but all he saw was her body hunched over, her hair covering her face. Returning his gaze back to the wall, he considered that maybe this was the perfect moment to look at her undisturbed. She was doing her work and so were all the other students. This might be the only chance he'll get to take a good lasting look. A look that might define what image of her will haunt his thoughts for the next few hours. He took a deep breath and turned back to her.

Edward was caught off guard when he turned to see her looking up, her eyes meeting his. They both stared at each other for a few, silent seconds, none of the two willing to end this moment. Her face was fixed into a quizzical stare, very innocent, full of curiosity while his was filled with a flame in his eyes. A flame that could easily be passionate or dangerous. Edward did his best to say something, to blurt out "hello" or to ask her how she was but his mind closed up and his muscles tensed up. Bella wanted to say something, let him know that she was someone he should feel comfortable around. She wanted him to know that she wouldn't mind having a conversation with him but his intense glare startled her and left her speechless. She could sense an odd desperation in him and felt this strong desire help him stop feeling this desperation, to see him more relaxed. He turned back to the wall in one swift movement, never daring to turn around again. She was sitting right next to him but he still felt like there was a large degree of separation between them.

Edward counted every single second left in the period, not really caring for the work assigned to him. Every tick of the clock brought him farther away from her. He thought that he could put his nature aside and try to be normal for once, try to be happy but he just wasn't normal, instinct won over willpower. Just as he counted six hundred seconds left in the period, the teacher stopped the class for a few seconds to announce that he felt that they had all worked magnificently today and deserved a break. His nails scraped against the wood as he glanced to the left and noticed Bella's nervous expression, no doubt the expression one might get before attempting to break the awkward silence between two pale skinned, socially impaired outcasts.

"Umhh..he-hello," she nervously blurted out, her words barely audible. "I'm Bella Swan. Seeing as we're going to be sitting next to one another I thought maybe we could sort of try to get to know each other a little better. That is unless you're not okay with that because I can definitely understand if you're not."

Edward was thrown off guard, not sure of what to respond, how to react. His mind stopped working and he had no idea what to do to kick start it back into action. He scanned through a few dozen things he could say before being able to open his mouth. "No, no, no. It's okay. I mean it's fine," he managed to say. His hands were shaking and he was finding it hard to think what else to say to continue the conversation. "My name is uh, Edward Cullen. It's nice to meet someone. I mean, to meet someone different. No, not different! I mean uh, someone _new."_

He put an urgent emphasis on that last word. His face was clouded with obvious uncertainty and he didn't know if he could stand another second in her irresistible presence. He tried to give her a small grin but it didn't come out quite as friendly as he'd hoped.

"Ummh, okay. Have you lived in Forks all your life?" she asked with undeniable desire to keep their awkward conversation going. "It'd be really great to have a friend here that could show me around, help me get used to my surroundings."

"I have lived in Forks for some time," he said, "quite some time. I don't go out much so...I don't know if I'm someone who could really help you ummh, adapt to Forks. Honestly, I'm as much of a tourist to Forks as you."

"That's okay," she started to say, "we could get to know Forks together if you don't mind." She shot him another one of her unbelievably cute smiles that had Edward wanting her more and more. He did his best to give her another grin, this one coming out better than the last one.

Edward's mind was flooded with thoughts of her and him together, something that at that moment of weak conversation, that moment of playful smiles, seemed so possible. He thought for a second that he could put everything else aside, really concentrate, and then maybe she and him could blossom into something beautiful, something normal, something human. For one second it seemed like maybe all could work itself out for this tortured soul, this shelled being. Just for a moment.

"So, Edward, this is my phone number," she said as she slid a piece of paper across her desk to his, " now, can you give me yours? I'll try to see if I can call you this-Edward,are you okay?" Those last words slipped out filled with genuine worry and unmistakable surprise. When Bella slid the paper across the desks, her hand accidentally brushed against Edward's, awakening in him something he, despite the strong willpower he had shown for the past hour, could not control. His whole body shuddered, his face was flushed from the little colour he did have, his nails dug into the desk and his face twisted into the look of someone undeniably in pain.

The bell rang in synchronicity with Edward's loss of control to his demons. Never before had Bella see someone get away from her in such a rough and rude manner. She didn't know how to feel at his sudden disappearance. She looked the desk where he had just been a few seconds ago, perplexed by his odd behavior. She stood up and began walking to her next class. On her way there, she couldn't help but think to herself that despite his stunning display of abnormal behavior, she hoped he would call.

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	5. Chapter 4: Treatment

**I, unfortunately, was not the one to think of sparkly vampires. **

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Edward's hands and feet were working as one. He stepped faster and faster, pushing aside everyone in his way. He wasn't thinking about being polite or being gentle, he was thinking about getting some place where he could clear his mind and forget the brown eyed girl. He forced himself between couples and shrugged aside juniors. He pressed jocks against lockers and bumped into darkly dressed students. He heard many exclaim "hey!" in annoyance and "what's your problem?" in disbelief. He didn't care about these people and it didn't bother him being so rough with them.

His eyes weren't focusing on anything. He knew what he was searching for—an exit, a way out. He pushed and he squirmed and he forced but the student body seemed endless. He just kept moving forward, without stopping, the feel of her warm hand still lingering in his thoughts, her sweet smell still in his nostrils. He was very confused, no longer being able to tell the difference between hunger and lust, need and want. Right now he just needed some fresh air, some time to think, some time to control himself.

He brushed away body after body; he felt cheap sweater fabric and bare skin—skin that wasn't as warm or as tempting as Bella's. He brushed and brushed and brushed one more time. He lost count of how many times he had made the same movement, the palm firmly placed on the person, the elbow slightly twisting with only a small amount of force. Fabric or not, he felt the flesh every time he forced himself through. He felt the blood travel through their veins. Just brushing, his fingers accommodating to the shape of everyone's back. Brushing aside was easy. He wanted to brush everything aside. And then he did.

His fingers didn't accommodate. His palm pressed firmly and remained flat. He had to use a greater amount of force. There was no blood, no veins, no soft flesh. The door opened. He stepped outside and the wind blew roughly into his nose and into his lungs. The smell of her was swept away and he felt better. He didn't stop moving forward. He descended the steps to the huge field behind the school and started making his way through it. He got to the far end of the field and kept moving. Hard, determined steps. Steps leading him to the forest. The dark, empty forest.

He started running, keeping his thoughts on moving farther away from her. He had never felt this way. He believed he had complete control over his emotions and his reactions. Today he had proven himself wrong. It was all just a big blur of green and brown. The leaves were always covered by raindrops and the only sound Edward heard was that of the raindrops falling the trees' length to the ground. He wasn't being careful, he wasn't being attentive—he was being impulsive. His legs didn't tire, they just kept him moving. He ran as fast as he could. He didn't get far. In his reckless decision, he had run without prudence and now had just tripped on a tree branch, falling face first on the forest floor.

Edward walked into the school, the halls completely empty except for the odd student going to the bathroom or going to retrieve something from their locker. His hair was covered in leaves and twigs. His shirt was stained with dirt and so was his face. He got to his locker and switched his current t-shirt for his sweater which he zipped up, hiding his bare torso. He looked at his watch. He had 25 minutes before the last school period began. He didn't have an excuse for skipping class. He needed an excuse and he knew he had no other choice. He turned in the direction of the administrative building and started walking towards it.

She was still on his mind but he brushed her aside for a second as he searched for the words to explain why he looked like he just wrestled with a pig. He only came through here on Mondays at lunch time but it wasn't his choice. His parents thought it'd be healthy to have someone to whom he could talk. He _did_ remember him telling Edward that he could swing by whenever he felt the need to do so. The big difference between the administrative building and the school building was the fact that it didn't really feel like part of a school. The building had paintings hanging off every wall. Soft music welcomed you into the main office. This building was 300 years old and the town of Forks spent more money restoring it than they actually spent on the school itself. Edward felt like he was in a museum rather than in a cramped office with oil lamps asking to speak with the school's resident therapist.

There was hardly anyone here besides the paper pushers. The staff room was also here, fully furnished with a fridge filled with food, a satellite TV and two computers with internet access. Much nicer than the average living room. It was obvious why the teachers spend their free periods, lunch times, and, sometimes, after school hours in this building. The principal's office was the size of a classroom and there was always two or three students waiting to be called in to see him. Besides the small staff and the rare trouble maker, no one came here. Edward seemed to be the only student that needed psychological care.

A woman was typing away at her desk, much too big and made out of wood too expensive to be used by a measly secretary. Her job was to inform the various receptionists of a person's arrival. The receptionists had a secretary. She looked up at him, nodded and looked back at the computer screen. He had been going here for a year now and he needed no announcement. Dr Roberts was never busy. Dr Roberts had one patient.

He stepped through the hallway, the portraits of all the previous principals scrutinizing their visitor. His steps were muffled by the rug on the floor, decorated with pretty patterns, sown by hand in a small country in Asia. They could afford a whole building's worth of a foreign rug but the library's newest book was donated by a school in Seattle back in 1997. They paid to frame these portraits but they couldn't place a few more pennies in the cafeteria's budget to increase the nutritious items on the grease and fat filled menu. They could afford to hire an over qualified, over paid man who had spent two decades in school and the only problems he had to deal with was how he was going to spend all the money he received. It really bothered Edward but for today, he let it go. He had something more important to worry about.

He hesitated before the door to Dr. Robert's office. He checked with himself that his story was set straight and that everything had an explanation. He knocked a little too roughly, immediately backing away from the door, as if he was afraid that anybody other than Dr. Roberts would open it with bewilderment in their eyes.

"You can go inside." Edward almost threw himself against the wall. Her voice had startled him. He had completely forgotten Dr. Roberts had a secretary. Why would he ever need one? What did she do all day? What did her job entail? She probably received a generous amount of money in comparison to the actual work she did. It must be nice to do nothing all day and not have to worry about paying the bills. It's either very nice or very miserable.

He half smiled and went right ahead and opened the door. He didn't think much of people. He was horrible with remembering appearances. He knew the secretary was female. That was it though. He couldn't tell you what eye color his brother had or whether his dad's hair was a very light shade of brown or a dark shade of blond but as he walked in, the purpose of his visit was irrelevant and now he could only see explicit images of every detail he had the chance to see of Bella.

It was a therapist's office. Much like the ones you'd see in the movies. A large, mahogany desk covered in paperwork filled with Latin terms. A black, spinning chair, perfect for him to manoeuvre across the long desk. The wall behind his chair obviously had every certificate of every academic milestone he had ever accomplished. Golden words under glass dictating that this man could read your thoughts and help you fix your mind. The middle of the room had a long couch and a small chair like every other psychiatrist's office. The wall on the other side of the room was hidden by a bookshelf filled with medical texts about why therapists could get to know you better than you could ever know yourself.

As always, Dr. Roberts was sitting at his desk, rifling through the incomprehensible Latin, pretending to look busy. "Edward!" Therapists are very good at feigning emotions. "What a surprise to see you! It's been a whole year and this is the first time you've ever come visit me out of session!"

"Yeah well, I don't feel too great..." Dr. Roberts was the only person (before meeting Bella) that he could describe in detail. A small man, barely five-four. His belly was forcing itself through his button down shirt. He probably had a suit for every day of the week. He could probably make suits made of money. Despite the huge cliché that his office was, he was clean shaven and his eyesight was pretty good. He was in his mid forties and his hair had barely begun to gray. You really had to pay attention to see the small strokes of gray hair hiding under the jet black canopy attached to his head. He could have been anybody's father, a teacher, a famous author. He just had the look of someone who was very wise. The most memorable thing about him was his eyes. They were the kind of eyes that demanded to be looked at and in return, they'd look into your soul.

"Edward!" Dr. Roberts had taken his eyes off his 'work' and given Edward a glance. "You're a mess! Come in, straight away. I have a towel you could use to clean up. Go wash your face and then tell me what happened."

Edward stared blankly at the towel at which Dr. Roberts was pointing. He started taking dazed steps toward the towel, not sure if what he was doing was correct. He lifted the towel up, his eyes on Dr. Roberts, thinking that at any moment he might snap and ask him what he thought he was doing. The worried look on his face reassured Edward before he ran into the bathroom and locked himself in.

Edward opened the door again, the white towel, now stained in crimson and dirt, in his hands. "Sir," he said, the insecurity always present in his voice, "where do I put the towel?"

"Leave it on the table next to the door." Dr. Roberts was getting out of his desk chair and was now making his way to the chair next to the long sofa. "Now Edward, what brings you here today?"

"I don't know," Edward said, eying curiously everything in the room as if he was trying to hold off Dr. Roberts's gaze for as long as possible. He sat down on the long couch, his eyes still avoiding the psychoanalyst's. "I feel strange. I met someone and I just have never felt this way before. I just have this raw, animal urge burning deep inside me and this person just awoke it."

"Who is this person, Edward?"

"Her name is Bella."

"Do you like her, Edward?"

"I'm not sure what you mean, sir."

"I mean, do you want her to be your girlfriend, Edward?"

Edward hesitated. _Was he serious?_, Edward thought,_ how many times had he repeated my name? Was it necessary? Maybe he thinks I forget my own name... _"I'm not sure," Edward said, "like I said, I've never felt like this before. I think I have a, a...uh...what is it called? A crush! If I understand the concept of a crush correctly, then I think that's what I have."

"Edward," the therapist began to say, "go over to the bookshelf and write a few words in your journal and then we'll continue."

Edward nodded approvingly. He stood up and walked to the bookshelf where he found his black journal, barely used, sandwiched between another dozen similar journals, all untouched. He sat on the small chair placed next to the bookshelf and propped his journal against his leg. He conveniently always carried a pencil in his pocket which he now took out.

_I am confused...I don't know how to feel...today I felt meaningful...I felt different...I met someone...her name is Isabella, though she prefers Bella...she is the only mortal I have ever felt desire for...but not only for her body, but for her taste...the smell of her blood climbed under my nose and I forgot to breathe...it is the same feeling a drug addict would get at the sight of cocaine...I want nothing more than to feast on her flesh and laugh as I do..._

Those last words scared him. It made him angry that he thought this way and that those malicious thoughts plagued his mind. He wished he could make it all change. He clenched the pencil tightly and snapped it in half. A blank expression painted itself across his face and he sat down in front of his psychiatrist again.

"Edward," he started, "I can tell that this bothers you greatly. I think you should just take a breather and really reflect on your feelings." He let a few seconds of silence fill the space between his sentences. "What do you want to do, Edward?"

_Will you please stop saying my name! _His thoughts were getting louder and harder to ignore. _What do you want to do, Edward? Are you hungry or are you horny? It's all up to you! I mean you could have both. Unless you want to turn her. Or date her. HA! Imagine you with a girlfriend!_

He covered both his ears as if that would make that voice in his head shut up. "I don't know what I want."

"Are you planning to stay with me after the bell, Edward?" Dr. Roberts waited for him to shake his head before continuing. "Maybe you should try being friends with this girl, Edward. "

"Friends?"

* * *

**I enjoy feedback and always do**

** my best to improve my writing. **

**I mean, you do want the quality of this story **

**to keep getting better right?  
**


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